(I wrote this 18 months ago and woke up feeling someone needs this now)

I used to be a leader in the choir. Can you believe that? I was told tenor was my part. I used to lead worship in a small church in Edwardsville, Illinois (USA). I was told the “anointing” was powerful upon the church whenever I led worship. And then a day came when, as the church was in tears of worship, I was in tears of pain. The violinist beside me saw my tears and whispered to my ears “the anointing is powerful today, right.” If only she knew the reason I cried.

God, mess me up!
God, mess me up!!
God, mess me up!!!

Those four words were uttered unendingly from the depths of my heart non-audibly. My lips moved but no words came out. Biblical Hannah’s mode of prayer was my experience & you would have thought I was drunk with wine. And you would have been right. And you would have been wrong.

I was not drunk with wine. I was drunk with guilt & frustration. I was tired of the hypocritical life I lived. I was tired of the secret skeletal sinful couple in my cupboard. Meet Mr & Mrs Pornography & Masturbation (PM) in my mind.

I was introduced informally to pornography at the early age of 11. Or was it 12. Memory fails me. Playboy magazines, sexually explicit films, the whole nine yards. The mustard seed of PM was planted on the fertile soil of my mind and by the time I was in University in America, a forest of sinful grapes and fruits was being harvested in my heart. And I was tired. No one in church knew, but I was tired. And so I muttered those 4-worded prayer from the depths of my weak heart.

GOD MESS ME UP!!!

And HE answered. I was surprised HE answered. Within weeks, I was arrested and incarcerated for fraudulent business crimes I had committed in my first entrepreneurial adventure. 6 months and 4 prisons later, I was deported and a new life I was to begin in Nigeria.

This time around, I was determined to live right. I was determined to rid this forest of pornography & masturbation off the soil of my mind and heart. I had witnessed firsthand the consequences such a life of hypocrisy can land someone. Besides, I really wanted to live a life that will make the MASTER say those words WELL DONE THOU FAITHFUL SERVANT…

I began by being deliberate about the friends I chose. I remember making one Emmanuel Effiong-Bright as my first friend. I wanted to be accountable to people whose hearts seemed like they panted after Christ’s. I still found myself reporting myself to 3 people last week just so that I would have it at the back of my mind to be careful of behaving appropriately regarding a particular scenario I was about facing. I realized that being dangerously accountable to people drastically reduces the mathematical probability of having secret skeletal sins in one’s cupboard.

I also stopped watching movies (and reading magazines) that had scenes that were even as small as two people kissing. I would research the internet database of movies to study the ratings of a film before deciding to watch it. My standard became one who would watch a movie ONLY if I thought Jesus wouldn’t mind sitting beside me throughout.

I also stopped listening to the average uninspiring music out there. Any artist whose song degraded women in any form was not to be deliberately considered as a TO-HEAR list. Sometimes I wondered how my fellow Christian brethren listened to such music and have no issue with it especially when it is saved as their phones’ ring tone. But then again, we’re apparently on different journeys. Besides my standard isn’t measured by the yardstick of fellow brothers in Christ: Christ Himself is the yardstick.

Each time I enter a taxi, I would be quick to tell the driver to put off the radio. Nothing seemed to inspire me therein anyways. Yes I know Davido, Wizkid, etc inspire others. But I was preferably inspired amidst the choas of Lagos whenever I listened to the deliberate collection of music on my phone. I needed to daily cleanse my mind and fill it with right content. If I had the common sense to bathe my body everyday, why not do the same for my mind with soothing music and literature. Now I presently have a monthly subscription with Scribd.com where I listen to audio books and read inspirational books that inspire me. You can join also and get 60 days free when you use my referral link: https://www.scribd.com/ga/7i4f2k

My strict standards eventually has costed me a few friends and although I’m not necessarily recommending them to you (yes, YOU), I was desperate for the results I sought. I desperately didn’t want to be among the statistics of Christians who feasted on pornographic channels in hotels whenever they attended Christian retreats or conferences. I wanted to standout and put a smile on HIS face. And if it meant cutting off one arm so I could make it, so be it.

I poured myself more into books that filled my mind with pictures of heaven, God, Jesus, BMW 750i, and every good and perfect thing you could think of. Over 500 books later, I could swear that Einstein would make me his best friend if he was still alive. Let me slow down before I start sounding overly confident like my friend Rockdaweller.

Don’t get me wrong, I was reading my Bible, praying and even attending midweek bible study (as much as I could) amidst all these.

I was also more cautious in my relationship with ladies. I tried my best. I still try my best. Although relating with women is still my greatest quadratic equational challenge yet, I’m hopeful that I’ll solve that maths problem before I’m 94 years old.

It’s been way over 10 years that I remember being lost in the habitual practice of the aforementioned couple. I know there are some that may even have justified masturbation or biblified pornography. But I know the cancerous effect it has had on my conscience. I’m an overcomer now. I’m better now. I’m not a perfect soul, but in this area, I’m an overcomer.

Although I’ve stumbled a few times over the past 15+ years, I can BOLDLY say that I’ve overcome it. And so can you, if you really choose to. And trust me, you have the will to. And even if your will has been worn out, I happen to know for sure that HE will help you IF you ask wholeheartedly for HIS help.

One last thing that has helped also is attending a school that has helped me in shaping how I think and made me have more empathy for others. I’m yet to complete my program but attending Attitude Development International (ADI) Institute has played a pivotal role in me being a better person. I strongly suggest you consider attending a course there (it’s based in Lagos state) and I know you’ll te hank me later with a BMW 750i toy car or the real deal. The founder of the institute, Dr Timi Oyebode, can be reached on +234 905 926 8663 or info@adi.com.ng

This may not look like the beautiful Christian-like message being shared by almost everyone on social media now, but it’s a message Seun Akisanmi feels strongly needs to be seen by those who make the world think they’re spiritual but yet they’re in bed with PM.

Search your heart. And if you know you’re found wanting, now you have an idea of what to do.

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